By Jacqui Flint

Dear Danice,
Another year has passed since you have been gone. I thought it would be easiest to write you to you this year. It still isn't easy to talk about without tears. I saw one of your old friends over the Christmas break. We talked about you most of the time and how much we missed you. I couldn't help wishing you were right there, able to just hang out and talk about your life the same as us.

The family had a memorial for you a couple days after Christmas. It was really a celebration of your life. It seems as though we all had different memories of you to contribute. Some of the stories were new to me. Every time I hear something new about your life it makes me think that maybe I didn't know you well enough. Then the guilt comes up and my throat starts to tighten. I realize I could have never known every little thing about the real you and I shouldn't feel guilty, but that doesn't make it any easier. I thought about how I didn't have any friends my own age growing up, but I had you. You were always by my side.

Most of the time I just miss talking to you. When I was cleaning out my CD collection the other day, I thought about your Beatles obsession. I remember when you painted your dresser with an all Beatles theme. One drawer was John, the other Paul, next Ringo and the last drawer, George. You know, I still have your Magical Mystery Tour CD. I stole it from you along with that Pearl Jam CD I had given to you as a gift. Just minor details in the parts of life I can't share with you anymore. I am not sure I ever did anyway.

All these small parts of your life come up in my mind on a daily basis. Every day I think of something you did. Sometimes, all of the sudden I will see one of your facial expressions in my mind and it tears me apart so I try to erase it as soon and possible. It all makes me sad and it doesn't become easier after two years. I don't think I ever thought it would be two years when I first received news of your disappearance.

Whenever I think of you, these lyrics come to mind because every word of it is true. I play it all the time because it symbolizes just about everything about your absence:

Goodbye
Occurred to me the other day
You been gone a couple years
Well I guess it takes a while
For someone to really disappear
And I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today
The sky was wide and bright and blue

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

Today my hear is big and sore
Trying to push right through my skin
Won't see you any more
I guess that's finally sinking in
Cause you can't make somebody see
With the simple words you say
All the beauty from within
Sometimes they just look away

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye
Some better way to say goodbye

Someday I hope we do have a better way to say goodbye, a justified way. I love you Danice and I am thinking of you today and every day.

Your sister,
Jacqui